Friday, July 2, 2010

One way

"There are many ways of going forward, but only one way of standing still."  -Franklin D Roosevelt

Inspired by a slew of books I have read lately I decided to give this meditation stuff a try.  The books made it sound like this metaphysical experience.  That would bring you internal peace something that I would love more of in my life.  I thought it would be easy at first.  You close your eyes and the brain falls into this trance and boom you are there.  Apparently that is not how it least for me.  

The first attempt I fell asleep.  To my defence, it was an especially long day and I was comfortable. 

The second attempt I got wiser.  I decided to do it in the morning when the sleep has been all wrung out of me.  Laying with slow deep breaths, hands resting on my on my stomach I concentrated on breathing. Well, I did at first.  Then I thought about what I had do with the day, how hot my room was, how I needed to lose that chubby roll under my hand suddenly I remembered I was suppose to be quiet.  With great work I went back to that state of mental silence.  It lasted a minute...almost.  Then it was back to the absent wondering from one topic to another.   Dragged myself back to the mental quiet three times after.  After the third time, I was in a full sweat and fed up with my lack of metaphysical ability. 

The third attempt came after several months.  I had to really talk myself into it.  After researching I found that I could concentrate on one thing in my life that I was struggling with rather than the mental silence that eluded me.  That was a great relief to me.  With my new technique in hand I decided I would try it again in the morning.  My eyes popped open and I was ready, I assumed the position.  Hands resting on my stomach, laying flat breath deep mind focused.  Well, it started that way.  Focusing on the problem...breathing deep I was better at this.  No telling how long I was in that state, felt like a million years.  Then it was like word association.  I thought about one problem, I was having with a friend.  Next I was thinking about that delish dessert she made last time I was over at her house, about a book I read about a chef who solved murders  then wondered how she would be at solving murder. Suddenly catching myself I went back to the problem with the friend.  Felt like eternity of weighing both sides.  She has a beautiful house. If I had that house how would I have decorated it?  There I went back down the wrong road.  Deciding that keeping my mind still was like telling a hamster to sit.  It might sit for a bit, but it is by accident and won't last long.  A hamster has got to get on that wheel and spin in circles for a bit or burrow and dig.  Sitting is not its style. 

I have not made a fourth attempt. Maybe I will give it a go...the 4th of July is around the corner.  Inner peace is still elusive...I will keep trying.     

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