Tuesday, December 27, 2011

It is a balance...so I've heard

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My Grandfather used to always ask me if it would make a bit of difference in a 100 years? It is the yardstick I have been trained to measure all worries. Clearly not easy when certain worries strike...but extremely reassuring when I get all twisted up about something.

For example, there was the one time I forgot to pay a speeding ticket and I got a phone call that there was a warrant out for my arrest.  I know right??? I hear you all gasping with fear and images of that show OZ in your heads.  When I went to pay the ticket I am pretty sure I could hear the Imperial March as I trod up those steps.  I was expecting the lady behind the desk to come out with the cuffs to throw me in the clink. She didn't.  She gave me a receipt and said in a sweet East Texas sass, "You have a good day, now!"  And here I had prepared for the worse: wore my clean big girl panties (no free show for the guards), did not bring my purse (didn't want some handsie guard going through my goods) and I made sure to call the family and say goodbye (I did cry...I will admit it.)  100 years from now I mostly likely will have wiped that smudge on my record away forever or at least I won't remember it.

Or like last May, when budget cuts had (and still have) teacher's jobs on the line.  I have thirteen years in this great institution...I know if something drastic and crazy happens with the district I can and will find something.  It will be okay.  I have a little talent with this writing thing...worse case scenario I send some extra hours driving students...but it will be okay. I may have to ditch my "Weasley house" (minus all the cool magic) but I will make it and might find my own magic along the way.

However, this normal self possessed calm I try to maintain faded last week. It was two days prior to Christmas...I had the worse back pain known to mankind and well...when I went to make "water" there was blood in it...not the kind you expect but the "Oh dear God, I must be about to die" kind.  I was worried...but I had to drive students...so I did.  Thank goodness we were busy and I never got around to googling a self diagnose of my ailments because I would have gone straight to the hospital.  After 6 hours with the kids and the pain growing exponentially and adding a new element of fever to the equation. I limped into the local Care Now.  It took a short 2 hours...not because I was in a room and they were running test...but instead because every person known to mankind wanted to be better before seeing relatives for Christmas.  The good news is I did not die.  (Deep sigh of relief.)  It was a kidney infection and after a single day of the strongest antibiotic she had, I'm had already started to feel better.  The best part about that near death incident...found out I've lost more weight...but the scale was super sketchy so I am not sure I trust its accuracy.

If this posting was a math problem we could see it all equals up.  It will be okay...it always will and worry changes nothing.  Grandpa was so smart.

1 comment:

  1. Hubby dearest and I always say, "it is something to think about but nothing to worry about." the book TheWorryCure tells me to initiate action items to fix the worry or don't waste time worrying. I don't know what the answer is but anti anxiety Mede take an edge off. Praying for you my love.