An Attempt at Socializing

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Growing up I was always aware of the stares of others.  I knew that my sister brought me attention that I never wanted.  I knew that people avoided and talked about us.  Recently, I had a taste of those old feelings but it was me that brought it on myself.

My dear friend turned 27...again yesterday.  This year has been hard for her, It was good to see her surrounded by love, family and friends. This marked the second "social" occasion since the doctor removed my guts...well my gall bladder, and I have had the drastic dietary restrictions.  I have to say I never realized how much of my social life was tied to food.  I probably should have guessed...I mean I am not a boozer, and not one to pass around the hash pipe or needle. Food is way more seductive...if someone comes over and I don't have anything to say take a bite or make an excuse to get some grub.  

The first social event was a faculty pot luck....I could not eat one thing that was brought.  So I brought my own raggedly lunch- beans and cucumbers...I know it is a pretty sketchy combination.  Over the last 5 months beans have been the go to food.  Low fat, full of high non-soluble fiber and so stinking easy to make they are one of the few filling things I can ingest and not be in pain after.  And cucumbers are a tiny bit sweet so I feel like I am getting dessert.

Everyone noticed...I'm pretty sure.  There were comments made about how I was distrustful of my fellow peers cooking.  When I explained about the restricted diet then I got some mixed comments...and looks.  Some said they felt guilty eating next to me.  Nice.  Some looks were horrified, some were a sympathetic smiles, and the one that grated my nerves was the comment..."Well, it is better for you.  Maybe you will lose some weight."  Oh it was said!!! That bitch!  My friend looked like she was going to claw the lady's eyes out who said it.  I didn't bother to tell her I already had dropped 4 jean sizes, what would be the point?

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That brings us to my friends birthday.  It was her party she is welcome to eat how she likes.  I love her and if I physically could have I would have dug in like a crazy lady.  However, that was not an option for me. So I ate lettuce and tomato. I got brave and snatched the smallest slider wrapped in bacon I could find.  Then I talked with people while they drank.  The later it got the less they made sense.  The more I got comments like, "Come on have a drink.  One won't matter."  It felt like I was in a bad after school special.  The more I said no and tried to explain to the drunks that it would exponentially accelerate the progression of my liver disease the more dug in they got. I finally had to go.

All the way home I thought about the coming holiday...a celebration of eating.  This year I am offering more veggies then carbs and sweets.  I wanted to make sure I wasn't left out and could socialize and not feel like I was making everyone around me uncomfortable while I ate.  I will have all the normal stuff...just with healthy twist...and healthier options for those interested.  No alcohol. Family won't care.  They won't judge me...well not about what I eat...my dusting ability will be under question but I am used to it.  At least with them...if I think of slipping they will snap me back in line.  I am thankful for them.