Choose wisely

Ready for a New House and a New Look

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I love looking at designer homes.  Pictures of perfect rooms to wake up in and to snuggle in with big blankets and good books.  

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I don't think I would ever crawl out of this as a kid...or now. 

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Can you imagine this in your house?  I love the twisting stair case and the giant reading tables. 

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With a backyard retreat like this no one would ever go inside.  

Then again if you made the inside like...this maybe.

Okay back to real life.  Back to book writing.

There is rumor of rain

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The meteorologist have been giddy school girls.  There is a hurricane/tropical storm coming for the Gulf Coast the rumor is there might be rain.  At this point I am not sure what that stuff is.  There may be dancing in the streets...well assuming I am not driving students.  Then it will be high blood pressure and sadness.  I hope I am home to enjoy it.  The white trash neighbors do put on a good show for occasions like that...it somehow always turns into a drunken festival of cussing topped off with a fight.  Gotta love the hills. No fear I will have the camera handy.  The drunk do like their photo taken.  

I hope it rains.  I am getting tired of looking at....

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The desert is cool.  But I don't like it in the front yard.  I am way too white to have this kind of heat.  I step near sun and you can hear the hissing of burning flesh.  Maybe we could do a weekend trip to the coast and welcome the storm to town.  Sip a Margarita, while sitting in my lawn chair and see what blows in.  Can't be any more terrifying then driving a 15 year old first timer in rain slick streets.  

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Maybe I am a bit grouchy, today was an 8 hour day.  I have worked many jobs but sitting in that car for 8 hours I will have to stretch tonight to keep the whip lash at bay.  It is worth it.  It is all apart of the plan.  Work 20+ hours a week in job two and pay off the big creditors I owe in two years.  It will suck in every kind of way but after two years...the sky will open the angels will sing, unicorns and rainbows will own the sky and the clouds will be made of cotton candy.  

Okay...maybe not.  

But I will be able to move out of the white trashville.  I will miss the drug bust, the random drive byes, the swat teams stationed outside the house and my new favorite friend (the bipolar schizophrenic neighbor across the street who likes to send random threatening text messages at night.)  But I think they will carry on without me.  

Bring on the rain. Everything looks better after a good storm. 

Grab it by the collar...show it who is boss

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This summer I have been battling back and forth on several things in my life.

Some parts of my life I am uber focused on achieving certain goals.  To the point of having sever depression if I don't reach them. Then there are other parts of my life that I wish there was someone was there to take care of me.  I know totally grown up response.  I love writing, teaching and cooking.  I like making money but awful at budgeting, saving, vacuuming, and dusting.

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It all in some ways scares me. Well the money part does...the last two kill my allergies.  And they don't scare me more like overwhelm me.  I have an irrational fear that time is running out.  And when the clock tolls debtor prison will be brought back and at some point everyone will find out and stone me for my pile of bad choices.  Damn college!  It is a real fear.  I don't check the mail.  Nothing good comes in the mail box.  For the last few months I was trying a denial as a coping method.  It doesn't work.  

Today I made a good step forward.  I faced my fear and called people I have been avoiding.  I was shocked how nice they were.  I was also surprised at how much it made my stomach hurt.  I have made a plan and in ten short years everything will be fantastic.  So now I can't wait to turn 46 and a half. Now I have to find a maid that works for practically nothing and if she was good at editing that would be even better.

What fear have you faced recently?     

Jealous wind

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I found the shade today. 

The sun fought to roast me.

Thin spindled limbs weaved together overhead. 

Below the path cleaved through the knots.

Dirt and rock it led me. 

Down a dark hill, the woven knit retreated.

The wind didn't bother to come.

She was angry.  

Jealous of the naked limbs.

A giant oak blocked

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my way out. 

Perched in the mass of knots I saw myself. 

Or was it me on the path. 

The look was the same.

My feet hurt

head pounded

and my back drenched with chilled sweat.

Looking down the knobby lot I got the sign. 

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I do love to jump in a blog hop.  This post was written for two...Poetry Potluck a great gathering of like minded folks that share weekly, and Write on Wednesday.

Fresh Breath

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Yesterday after writing my pitiful post I decided not to take the hormones.  It was the best day ever!  I cleaned.  I cooked.  I napped relentlessly.  I teased and joked with family.  I felt amazing.  I decided last night prescription be damned I'm only taking these puppies every other day.  It will keep me a sane productive member of society.  

I was reading the most amazing blog site yesterday, The Other Side of the Story, and I figured out what the problem was with my book.  It is a premise story not a plot novel. It can be fixed.  It will be fixed.  But it is okay if I step away...for a little bit.  It was after all my happy day.  So I started brainstorming, plotting and planning the next book.  Worked on it for 3 hours.  Not a ton of time.  I read yesterday that J.K. Rowlings planned for 5 years before she started any of the Harry Potter books.  That is a freakishly long time. Or is it?  It did work. She said when she started to write it was a matter of putting all of the notes and bits together.  Would love for my first draft to be that simple. 

Time to jump back in.

The Tightrope Race

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Okay so I've read over the past few post.  I might be in a bit of a slump.   Unfortunately, dear reader, this blog is a refection of me.  I have been on those blasted hormones...over the last few days the dose has been increased.  God help us all.

My sweet, adorable disposition is under attack.  I can't count the number of times I have said, "I don't care.  Whatever."  And truly meant it this week.  I can feel myself slipping into a depression.  I am perched on the tight rope's edge the abyss beneath me has it's own gravitational pull.  Only three more weeks of this to go.

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Instead of sitting  mopey about the rewrite that I know I must make.  I started yesterday.  The restructuring has begun.  It felt heavy.  It was like I was moving a warehouse full of boxes to the other side of the street.  They are all awkward to carry, and I bumble around to get any kind of grip.  Basically it sucks...see a glimpse of the sunshine that has been me lately.  I will try to suck it up.  I've got more of those crappy boxes to carry across the damn street. 

A little bit of sadness

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I'm bummed. 

A dear friend and fantastic editor finished reading "The book."  Good news and bad news. 

Well let me back up...

Every night before I go to bed I read.  I have been doing this since I was in middle school.  It is a way to let my mind wonder and my muscles relax.  My favorite books are historical suspense. I recently finished a book.  It had a great plot line.  The history was fascinating.  The cover was beautiful.  The writer is a New York Times bestseller.  But...there were a million characters. I am not sure who the protagonist was suppose to be.  The characters were so flat I didn't care what situation the writer but them in.  I was only interested in the history behind the story.  

This week I picked up a different book. The writer took ten years to write it.  The first chapter made me fall in love with the character and was so powerful it took my breath away.  Each chapter I become more and more terrified for his safety.  There is not an extraneous person or scene.  It is tightly written and beautiful in every way.    

Well...back to my best friend's review.....

• There are way too many characters. (I have cut 20 from the original.  Guess I need to keep going.)
• The main character is too wishy washy.  Take it I need to work on his likability.  (At least she knows who the main character is.) 
• She hated the ending. 
• There were timeline issues. 

I welcome the feedback.  Would much rather hear it from my friends than a ranting review.  Was it sad?  Yes,  I know I have to start at the beginning. It is like the closet organizer specialist said on Nate the other day, I have to take everything out.  Regroup.  Decide what belongs and get rid of what doesn't.  Then put it back together.  Not sure that will fit into my self imposed publish by the first week of August timeline.  It needs to be done.  You only get one first impression.  It will be a long weekend.        

Comment for a Cup of Joe

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I was on the Twitters.  I know this is becoming some sort of crazy obsession.  I can't help it...makes me feel cool to talk with the stars.  And by stars I mean Beth Chapman (of Dog the  Bounty Hunter Fame), Jimmy Falon, and writers that have a single book released and frankly crack me up.  Well...something popped up and I had to share because it is freaking amazing.

I know that it is not a holiday.  This is no official day of patriotism.  But the troops are fighting.  They are away from home and some don't get the chance to hear from home everyday. There is a blog that is running a promotion because they rock!  TEAM Duncan  has declared that if you go to their site and make a comment. Just one...don't go all crazy.  Then they will send a cup of coffee to the troops.  For your single comment a soldier gets a shot of caffeine and a message of thanks. So please head on over and friend these good people and make a comment. Tell them I sent you...it will make you look cool.  Or maybe not...but will make me smile.

If you would like to start your own drive or feel like sending coffee to an entire platoon then check out Green Bean Coffee. $2.00 will make them all happy.     

Write on Wednesday

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"It rained today, ladies."  

Not just outside, but I feel it in.

Bones grind together.

Dust, becomes living mud.

It washes down my calf onto the parking lot.

Desperate I try to gather it in a clinched fist.

Pointless. 

I let it go.  

A little bit of me, in a raging sea.  

Watch out for high tide. 

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There are sharks out there.  

I hear they bite. 

I know they got me.

I found the most amazing blog today. A dear friend, Aunt J-Me says so showed it to me.  Ink Paper Pen, has an interesting day...Write on Wednesday.  Her hope is to encourage people to see writing prompts around them.  

Today's prompt...status updates.  Join the fun. 

My facebook friend posted "It rained today" and the rest came from my 5 minute free write. 

Waxing and waning love

I spend a ton of time in the car.  And this little ditty has been haunting me. 

This was released in April in the United Kingdom but it has only just recently been getting regular play time here in the states. It is the story of the singer, Adele, and her true love. For whatever reason their relationship didn't work out at that time. She never forgot him. During the time she wrote this she found out he was getting married. The song was written in a time of great depression for her.

I think most of us have felt something like this.  The song strikes a cord.  One that resonates deeply.  Tell those around you how you feel about them.  You don't know...if they will be there later the next day or if they will pass on by.  

     

Pockets Full of Pictures and other Fun Stuff

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Loved this photo from Tumblr.  It is a part of the greater collage of them I am collecting on my picture blog. All my fellow bloggers should have something like this.  There are many times that we want to show our own photography but if you are like me that isn't always possible.  Having Tumblr there as a back up collection of images to pull from is essential.  Plus there are so many really cool things to see there.  Some nasty...but most are of the art and illustrations are amazing.

I have been on that great website stumbleupon.com.  It randomly selects website pages that have been submitted and fit your taste. You register then select the topics that interest you. When ready start stumbling.  It is fun to spend a little time on there and see what inspiration you can gather.  I have found a ton of educational resources, writing stuff and found more beautiful pictures to submit to Tumblr.

In a random fit of "stumbling" I found to post I wanted to share.

1. The Other Side of the Story has a great post on creating plot line for novels.  It walks you through using 9 steps.  I used it and have drafted out an exciting starting foundation for my third novel and next exciting series.  
2. Publetariat is an interesting website that has some really great resources on writing, publishing and selling your next great novel. 

What is something that you have found on the interwebs that you really want to share with someone?  

One Small (daily) Step For Me, One Giant Step Closer To Paradise

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The cover is nearly completed for the book. Mike, the artist has done his part and he is kindly waiting for me.  I still need to do those things like, rewrite the summary (for the 1,999,999,888th time) and write bio of myself.  

I got the rough copy of it in my email.and had the most unusual of reactions: teared up, then felt sick.  I know not what one would expect.  I am so close to finishing a goal I have set for myself since childhood.  It was a huge and scary goal, but writing my first novel has been an experience like no other.  Even if the only people that buy my book are family it was worth it.  Even if they never read it, it will still be worth it because I finished.  

I saw this in my Tumblr yesterday and it fit. 

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Letting go is not easy.  This book is a combination of everything I have encountered and lived.  Everyone that knows me, really knows me, will see every bit of my life in this book.  It's characters are combinations of friends, enemies, and strangers.  It is scary to let it go into the world.  

Even I know the statistics.  Of the millions of ebooks uploaded to amazon each day 90% are never purchased. Of the those that are 9% of those don't sell more then 100 copies in the life of the book much less a month.  It all sounds pretty dire.  My great hope is that mine will be the 1%.  I am not asking for a lot...100 books sold a week would be enough to stop my risky career as a driver's education teacher.   Sounds like I am asking to win the lottery.  

But think of it this way of the books uploaded to Amazon most are not edited, not rewritten over 100 times, don't have professional covers, don't have any type of marketing (with blogs and social networks) and those writers don't  go the extra step to researching the market.  That is what I have been told.  I hope doing all of these give me the edge.  I need an edge.  

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Not the sharp one that leads to a craggy plummet, but you know the good kind that "Outlier" kind.  Today I edit...some more.  I will still be editing even after I publish this.  I know..and fully except it.  It is never done, never perfect.  But I am closer to the edge of letting it go.  

What goal have you been working towards?  

or 

What was the best part about the last book you read?

Disappointment...the poetry continues

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She is imprisoned in thoughts. 

The rain washes her rough bones.

Making secrets tougher to hide. 

The future she sold herself into was for a poor price.

Mother didn't teach her to negotiate dreams for leftovers. 

Second hand paradise is all she will betroth.

Disappointment will forever be color of her eyes.

  

One to Ten...back again

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Sitting on the floor, my legs are tied in a knot.

Energy surges in a circular motion.

Core connected to arms. 

Arms touching legs. 

Legs bring it back to core.

My mind counts. 

One to ten. 

Ten to one. 

One to Ten.

Back again.

The minutes are indifferent. 

Opening your leaden eye lids feels forbidden.

Stillness exudes.  

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*I have joined a poetry blogfest.  The rules are pretty simple and there is still time to jump and and join.  

1. Follow this blog

2. Sign up by filling out the Linky below

3. Write a Poem

(ANY kind of poem or you could even blog about 'why I hate poetry.' I'm cool with that.)

4. Post your poem the week of July 11th-14th (midnight PST)

BAM!

You did it!

You can stop there if you want.

There is more for those that want greater involvement and reward.  Check it out it is a great way to meet people and sharpen up those writing skills.  

Readaplooza

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Every summer my mom would head to the library with three giant cloth bags.  We would be told that we could only get  ten books.  Only ten.  We would head home and disappear for days.  The house would be silent for days.  We would retreat to the sanctuary of our bedrooms and dive into the world of make believe.

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I loved those memories. Tangled in fluffy blankets, books clutched in one hand and only coming up for air when we were done.  I know it is those reading memories that made me so eager to write my own stories.  

What are your favorite reading memories?  

Dog drove me to it

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Pretty sure this is what it looks like when I write.  I do have a similar body type. And my skin is almost that white.  I don't like the sun...got that allergy.  Maybe I just made that up.  On those hormone treatment...I have noticed that I might have a bit of an edge in the morning.  I go to sleep sweet as can be then when I wake up...boom.

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Well, minus the ax but I am pretty sure the hair is the same.  

I am wrapping up the Dog the Bounty Hunter series. 168 done.  That is a ton of time...but I couldn't stop.  When I wasn't watching I was totally googling.  I know creeper move.  They have interesting lives and I had to know more.  I so want a house in Colorado now or Hawaii.  Pretty sure Colorado would be better.  It was 105 yesterday.  I think the roof might melt, or was that the cars. 

After this last show...going to get started on my meditation.  I need good energy. I was weak last night...made a cake and it didn't have any leafy greens.  Think I will have a giant bowl of spinach...then a piece of cake.   

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I know it has to balance out somehow.  Right?

Cranky liver?

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Hey, I'm talking to you.  Yeah you mister!

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I know you guys saw him.  This little guy is freaking adorable.  Famous photographer, David Slater, the photographer had the fortune of sitting with a family of  these guys. This little girl grabbed the camera and did what all young girls like to do..the self portrait.  She is pretty good.  

Finally heard back from the doctor.  Big sigh.  

Even though she had me reading the Cancer pamphlets in the office, made me give a detailed family history with Cancer and running around with a crazy amount of test...all the results came back  good.  The main problem I went for can be fixed with hormone treatments which I have already started.  The side effect is a little crankiness.  Maybe if I smile like this guy I can get away with it.  

The test did find that I had elevated liver enzymes.  She asked if I was a drinker...uh  no.  She said we will check it again in 6 weeks.  If the test come  back the same next time that I will need to see a specialist...because it could be "Fatty Liver."  Yewww.  Is that not the most disgusting thing you have ever heard?  I don't eat liver because it grosses me out.  The idea of mine being "fatty" gross. Good news is that it is a pretty easy thing to fix.  Weight loss, 30 minutes of working out, a better way to deal with stress and eat more leafy greens.  No problem right.     

Since then I have been good.  Well, mostly.  I have exercised, and been on top of the leafy greens.  I made mustard greens the first day.  It was tough.  That is a taste that you either like or well...you don't.  I took it like medicine.   So now I am on the hunt for some delish dark leafy green recipes.  

What is your favorite recipe for dark leafy greens?  

or

Where do you find your favorite recipes for veggies? 

Toss the Rockets, Sit Next to the Phone

The fourth of July use to mean picnics, fireworks and wearing my brand new patriotic shirt.  I know I'm a dork.  But I am a huge fan of the colors navy blue and red.  I remember that feeling that I would get seeing the giant explosions shooting through the sky in tune to he patriotic songs.  I am such a sap.  I always cry.

Yesterday it was over a hundred degrees.  There was no picnic, we ate at home.  The only fireworks were the ones at home on the television.  Not the same.  I ended up going back to my Dog the Bounty hunter marathon.  I did get through number 87-94 in the series.  I did cry still...I am pretty sure I blame the hormone treatment I am on for that.

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The holiday weekend is done. Time to get back to business.

Today is suppose to be the end of my wait.  In reality I am waiting all day for a phone call.  I was told not to expect it till late in the day.  Not sure when that is.  Could be 5pm or what 8pm.  I don't know. I think I will get back to writing my work in progress. That will calm me.

I have a favor to ask...

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If you are a fan of funny cat photos, super heros, wonderful stories of the cephalopods conspiracy you have to become a follower.  My dear friend Kal, (at Cal's Canadian Cave of Cool) had recently reached 400 followers then discovered that one had left.  Can you imagine the heartache?  For all that is good someone please go read his amazing post and discover the man behind the fun pictures.   

You Have the Power

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Can You Hear That?

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The only music in my head this weekend sounds like a metronome.  

Constant. Ticking off the seconds.  

One at a time. 

Not sure if the storm will descend 

or

move on by. 

My lungs ache from holding my breath.  

I am waiting to sigh, in relief either way.  

Knowing is better.

Hot Dog

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We are in the throws of a ridiculously hot Texas summer. It makes me dream, wish and plot for a cool hide away.   Maybe a tree house, tucked in a English forest would be a good hideaway.  All the rain would be a complete beat down though.  Everyplace has its draw back.

I shouldn't complain.  At least the electricity works, and the air conditioner is still limping along.  Rumor has it that the electric company will cut your air if you don't pay it.  Even if it is 98 outside, they don't care it will still be off.  "They" say that it is not an extreme temperature unless it gets to be officially three digits.  Have you ever been in Texas in July when it is 98?  It is extreme.  This is all rumor of course.  Okay, maybe not. You know I am very busy. I have had some stressful stuff going on this week.  Well apparently, paying the bill might have slipped my mind.  It happens. The family was not thrilled with my slacker ways.  They didn't yell...you can tell they are worried about me.  The electric was turned back on....it always is. There were a few hours where I had the opportunity to pretend I lived in a sauna.  Jealous?

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This post is turning into my confessional.  I know the Catholic thing again, it sneaks up on you.  Or maybe...it is because I am having a non-stop Dog the Bounty Hunter marathon.  It is a break from the Harry Potter.  I know it is my white trash roots coming through.  (It is the same reason I like going to the State Fair...bright lights and the smell of hot beer. Brings back family memories.)  If you are not a watcher of the Dog. you may wonder what the draw is.  Well, maybe it is Dog's mullet.  Or the fashion sense of Beth.  I think it is because I have relatives like them.  It is the joy of watching the "good guys" catching the criminals.  I admit it the car confessionals and the Dog guidance counsel in the SUV make me happy.  I gotta go...they are going after a crack head in East Raspberry.  They are gearing up time to bust in and make that catch.  This is the best part. Have a great Saturday!

A Hoy Matey, time to go..

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It is sunny outside. Everyone around me is in the process of loading up getting ready  to head out to do fun and exciting things for the Independence weekend.  Me too.  Well, kinda.  I paid a speeding ticket.  I know I can hear you all...I teach drivers ed...speeding ticket?  Well, you drive 100 miles a day it is bound to happen.  I haven't had one in 5 years.  I'm due.  I am such a freak about it...have been freaking out all week worried that it was going to become a warrant.  I blame Catholic guilt.  I still had a month to go before any crazy warrant.  But whatever, it is paid.

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Now I just have to endure 4 hours of teaching drivers education in the classroom.  The first two hours I will prep them for the driver's education test.  The second two hours will be death and destruction. Also known as Alcohol and drug awareness. It is the sad depressing videos.  Not really what I am in the mood for this week. Think I will come home and have a vacation in a glass and watch some more Harry Potter.  Potter is really like a security blanket.