Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Grab it by the collar...show it who is boss

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This summer I have been battling back and forth on several things in my life.

Some parts of my life I am uber focused on achieving certain goals.  To the point of having sever depression if I don't reach them. Then there are other parts of my life that I wish there was someone was there to take care of me.  I know totally grown up response.  I love writing, teaching and cooking.  I like making money but awful at budgeting, saving, vacuuming, and dusting.
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It all in some ways scares me. Well the money part does...the last two kill my allergies.  And they don't scare me more like overwhelm me.  I have an irrational fear that time is running out.  And when the clock tolls debtor prison will be brought back and at some point everyone will find out and stone me for my pile of bad choices.  Damn college!  It is a real fear.  I don't check the mail.  Nothing good comes in the mail box.  For the last few months I was trying a denial as a coping method.  It doesn't work.  

Today I made a good step forward.  I faced my fear and called people I have been avoiding.  I was shocked how nice they were.  I was also surprised at how much it made my stomach hurt.  I have made a plan and in ten short years everything will be fantastic.  So now I can't wait to turn 46 and a half. Now I have to find a maid that works for practically nothing and if she was good at editing that would be even better.

What fear have you faced recently?     


  1. Good on you for taking a stand. Unfortunately if you don't take control of some things in life, they tend to snowball.

  2. I am deathly afraid of heights. I by no means concurred that fear but I faced it last Friday when I climbed to the unfinished second floor of one of our houses to take pictures. Without the banisters in place, I kept thinking I was going to plummet to the concrete below. The panic that set in was overwhelming so I made quick work. I am not looking forward to doing it again this Friday for progress pictures, but I'll do it anyway. Good on you for taking the same approach...I DON'T LIKE IT BUT I DID IT.

  3. I juut have to say I TOTALLY hear you on most of these things. Money and budgeting scare the shit out of me. I am at once too spendthrift and an obsessive cheapskate--oxymoronic, but true.

    Right now I'm facing another fear head on, though: my fear of applying to grad school. It overwhelms me SO much, that I've basically done NOTHING about it. But today, I revisited the old "statement of purpose" draft and thought some more about how I might tweak it. It's a step.

    le sigh.