Trouble with time...

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Elusive seductress, time.  

She dance to the beat of the Siren.  

All other things melt away.  

Then in an exhale she is gone.  

You leave as you came,

All alone. 

11 days and counting

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The click of the clock tick off the days we have left.  

Streets hold the glisten taken from lost dew.

Neither know the end is near. 

Cool wind blows in winter from the North.  

The poles are changing. 

The shift is here. 

There is green on my front yard,

 painted from summer.    

All proof the government is in on the illusion.  

They sit behind the curtain pulling strings

 to make the weather dance and change.

Some go out and deny it is all coming.  

But we know different

We saw it online.  

Haaa haaa haaa

I pretended...

“Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be.”

Kurt Vonnegut

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I acted like a writer.  

Put pen to paper.

Agonized over plot line.  

Fretted over character development.

Looked for names with meaning.   

I spent time in the form of hours, days, weeks and years.  

There was a time I acted like a friend. 

I reached out to you. 

Listened to woes and joys. 

 Celebrated your success 

and prayed during your struggles.

Today I still do.  

Dark things hide

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Steady now. 

The world is spinning.

Dizzy.

Breathless.

Let go of it

all.  

One exhale, 

one heartbeat, 

at a time. 

Feel it pull?

From down deep inside?

That is where all the 

dark things hide. 

Open up.  

All the way.  

Till it pulls no more.  

Not giving in

“The universe is not made of atoms; it’s made of tiny stories.”

The Tiny Book of Tiny Stories: Volume II, Joseph Gordon-Levitt

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There once was a girl that wrote a book.  

It took a year.  

Words would hide, blur and escape her 

She came to a spot and wrote, "the end."  

The girl put the book away.  

Disgusted at her story.

Not willing to share it any more.  

Along came a challenge.  

The bruises from the first book had faded.

She had forgotten their pain.  

The girl took up the pen again. 

This time the words were not so deceitful.  

They flooded her in hurricanes, at night, during the day and when the music filled her. 

The story unfolded, quickly.  

Its shape was pleasant to her.  

The characters were charmers.

She was in love.  

The girl didn't give in.

Deep release...

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Literally, let my spirit free.  

It was a deep release.  

She was tired of me.

I understood.

You left me once.

Maybe one day I will get that too.

I buried a story today.  

It lived in my head. 

Words wrapped out of soul and fell through my pen.  

The page was bright like the sun.  

Now it carries the pieces of when we were one.

I saved it to a file.  

Did not know what name it deserved  

so I gave it your's.  

It sits uncomfortably in my hard drive.  

Next to the recipe for knock me naked brownies.  

I'm not naked anymore.  

Red Line

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“An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break.” - Chinese Proverb

What if a thin line of red has tied to the edge of my fate?

What if the other end is tied to your's?

The line might be thin but it will not break.  

Although tangled, it will not tatter.

We will meet...

have met.

It is fated so.

Fate knows no clock. 

Fate stalks, waiting for that perfect time and place.

When she is ready, we will too.

Speeding to the top

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I'm coming up.  

It is lighter up there. 

Let go of the anchors.

The chains got tangled in my hair. 

The weight of rusted steal was dragging at my toes.  

I heard them snap and pop from the pressure.  

They wiggle with the freedom of letting go.

My ears are crackling and want to burst.

Your whispers fill them. 

My heart flutters.

I speed to the top.

Powered by butterfly armies are battling in my belly.

They negotiate peace the closer we become

The whirl of water passes my ears.

I explode from the wet. 

Looking for you.  

You are gone. 

Waiting for the fall

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It was a sun shiny Sunday.  I stayed indoors.

The temperatures were 20 degrees lower than normal.  Hear it was great exercise weather.  I did yoga.  Well, I stretched a couple of times.

The air is filled with pollen, maybe it is mold. At least that is what I think my headache and runny nose are trying to tell me. The wild, almost wet my pants sneezes make me perfect company.

It is fall.  It smells that way and the grass is already crunchy.  The news said that they have already chosen the fried foods for the Texas State Fair. That makes it official. When has the state of Texas ever been wrong?

Fall is hard. Damn gravity.

Hearts get heavier.  They almost need their own wheels.  Maybe it is all the pollen and mold. It could be all of those holidays mashed too closely together, they make you think of the happiness you are missing. Or wishing you could come close to again.  It is a lot of pressure for one season.

Your Soul Opened the Window

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A window opened up yesterday.  

I caught sight of your soul dancing on a slow moving cloud. 

You kicked my toe. 

I saw that grin. 

Then, you winked. 

God...that wink was eternal,

maybe infinite.

It hung my heart up on the sharp edge of the cloud.

I was next to you,

almost inside the warmth of your arms.

I didn't want to come down. 

The world below was too dark, gray with intent.

I should have said it. 

I needed to.

You needed to hear it. 

Your wink, and my heart were tied in a knot.

We felt it, both of us. 

But no one was brave enough to put words to the feeling. 

Now I am left. 

A girl, in constant search for you,

looking in the clouds.

Forever, doomed to shouting about the love 

I couldn't share

with you. 

Back with a bang!

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Bang, bang!  The year is supposed to start in January, but if you are a teachers the starting gun blast off in late August. The first two weeks I come home completely wrung out.  Week two is in the bag so...we should be getting better...should be.  

This summer was strange.  

I had so many wonderful writing challenges, and opportunities. And in the midst of all this writing...there goes the computer.  It put me on this horrible writing diet and jacked up the wonderful pattern and schedule I had created. Life is about adapting and getting better...I feel like I have. 

When I was a tiny girl I had a blanky.  It was grey, soft flannel with satin trim.  I loved that thin bit of fabric.  I would weep big tears waiting for it to get cleaned in the wash and would be pouty till it was back in my arms.  I knew early the importance that cloth sewn with love can have on someone.  I knew that one day I wanted to make a blanky.  It has been in the back of my mind.  I put it on lists, several times.  This summer it happen.  I found a quilting mentor and my bestie and I formed our own little club with our sewing guru.  The end product is a beautiful full size bed spread.  It is amazing.  The experience has opened a new world up to me.  I loved it and want to do it again.  Can't wait to start crafting my next project. (I will post pictures of the finished product later. )

Computer hell....

So the laptop is tottering on the edge of death.  It has been coming.  We have tried many things but she needs specialized care and I need a replacement.  Grahhh.  

Friday's Facts that Freaking Rock

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I have found the most delightful side effect of freelance writing...I get paid to learn stuff.  I would be a professional student if I could afford it and this is the second best thing.  

After a year of this I am pretty sure I might be a genius.  

A dear friend...and very smart lady (Aunt J-Me Says So) suggested I start a new series..."Friday's Facts that Freaking Rock!  I don't think she suggested this name...I really like to say freaking.  Feels naughty. 

1. There is a science called, "Space Archaeology." I am not even kidding. And no it does not mean they look for antique societies in space.  But instead from space they fire down these lasers and can see 8-10 inches into the earth.  I love this.  Maybe because I always wanted to be an archaeologist till I figured out I would have to be outside.  This fixes that so the dream can live on.  
2. Did you know that Mexico fought with the Allies during WWII?  Yup. Mexico sent an elite team of fighter pilots, Aztec fighters,  to fight in the South Pacific.  They faced racism, language barriers and when they came home there was a single parade thrown in their honor. The Mexican people felt that those that fought were acting as the whipping boys for the US so it was all brushed under the rug.  
3. When the United States was in the depths of the Great Depression offers from countries outside the states came in to offer help.  One of those being...Uganda.  
4. Cleopatra has never really interested me until this week.  She was a strong amazing lady. Her parents were rumored siblings, she married her bother. When he died, she married her other bother.  Not only did she become the lover of some of the most powerful men at the time but totally used it to secure her own dynasty...well until she killed herself.  It is a pretty tragic story. 
5. When I was growing up I was taught that all civilization started in Mesopotamia.  Wrong!  Complex civilizations formed all over the world about the same time scientist are thinking it had more to do with the changing climate. The discovery of sites in the Supe Valley in Peru predate Mesopotamia by a century.  

Okay...now it is time to return to my laptop to learn more. I have a question for you, my dear reader...

What Facts have you learned that Freaking Rock?

Monsters ponder too

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I have been one hot writing lady.  No really, it is hot to have a laptop on your lap all day. I am pretty sure I will die some kind radiated death from the gamma rays coming off this thing. Goal...make enough to buy computer that does not sound like it wants to combust after 6 hours of usage. 

I have been super proud of myself. I have stuck to my 30 day challenge and been a writing maniac. Working my way through that pile of expository essays I have learned some pretty random stuff.  I can't wait to share it..it my "Friday, not so fun facts."  It will rock your socks off. 

Till then I must return to my research of modern day imperialism, the revolt of the Qianlongs Legacy and code breakers.  Then starts all the science fun. I have to admit writing the science essays has reminded me of how much I love science.  It is so interesting and methodical.  I am even thinking of how to incorporate the scientific method into the learning of history.  It is still in the thinking stages. Ideas are welcome.  No really...any ideas would be great. 

Did you know...it is Friday the 13th?

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Write on...

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It has been a busy week. Between all of the changes from the P2P challenge and trying to grow my freelancer business I have been on the computer a ton. I have had a ton of rewrites this week.  I do like those better. It is easier to fix something then it is to make it up.  I also have been branching out and seeking business. I submitted to two other companies for freelance work.  I should be neck deep in writing assignments by mid August...you know about the time school starts.  That is how I roll...feast or famine. I do like the feast times way better.

So...time to write on.  

I got Stardust in my eyes

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Day two on the P2P challenge and I am tired.  4 hours turned into 8.  I am not sure how I let that happen.  I get into something and can't close it down till I am done. I did learn several unintended things today.

1. Writing html is tough. 
2. No matter what a tutorial says my situation will always be the one that doesn't work. And I will have to go all Chuck Norris on it. 
3. So much change is completely exciting. I have had a difficult time sleeping since this process started.  I am happy it is summer time or I would really be hating life. 

With my day being more structured then it has all summer I have been seeking out other opportunities to drum up business. Today I submitted an article for publication in a book about education, and have started a page in squibo. That along with my four eight hours of focus on writing and my business it has been a busy Tuesday.

Think I will have a few minutes hours on Pinterest and go to bed.  

Time to be challenged

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My grandmother would say it is time to stop dancing around the pool and dive right in.

It started as me penning a few poems here and there when it hit my fancy.  Then I started this blog.  I thought well I write everyday, I bet I could write a novel.  A friend came along, "hey I hear you write could you..." Before I knew it I was an accidental professional.

I was cruising around the web. It was innocent.  I wasn't looking for anything in particular. I lurked on to it, Write to done, it is the Yoda site for writers.  

It inspired me. It challenged me to want to challenge myself. And I have created a genius plan...if I say so myself. So for the next 30 days it will begin.  The great make-over and the birth of a thriving business.  I encourage all creatives, fans and writers to join my followers over at Chubby Bunny's Ink and hit that follow button yourself to watch the progression and change. It will be a change that I welcome others to join me on and let me know how it works for all of us.

Change will leave no stone unturned...this blog will be getting a make over as well.  Be on the look out and get ready to let me know what you think. 

Shine some light on the bunny

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I like bunnies.  Not as pets, but in general I always feel lucky when I see one.  It is one of those last bits of wildlife that doesn't freak me out.  Also...not that I believe but I am year of the rabbit.  It means I am lucky.  (They don't say what kind of luck.)  I like them so much I named my publishing company Chubby Bunny's Ink. Okay..plus I am a little chubby...at least that is the rumor.

I have decided to shed a little light on a huge passion in my life. Chubby Bunny's Ink...

History of the Bunny: 
I started Chubby Bunny's Ink a year ago.  After finishing my first book I wanted it published. I received a handful of rejections from my queries and decided to take it into my own hands. So I threw on my big girl panties and started my own publishing company.  Hired my editor...lucky for me she works for cheap.  I found an amazing artist, MD Jackson, got a logo and cover art. The Logo is amazing and might show up as my next tattoo...maybe...could be.

Then it happen. I got the right advice from the right person and decided to set the book aside. Sure it is good but I want my first in print book to be amazing...hence book two.

Where is it now?
Chubby Bunny's Ink is getting her wings this summer.  I have decided that this is a business and there are other ways to make money writing and it is time I took full advantage of the opportunies around me.  Part of that is a refocus and some changing around here. This blog will be getting a bit of a change and you will see many more articles on the art and craft of writing.  I am so excited.

I am thrilled to engage with all of you guys about your passions and finding a writing group to plug into.  

Time to do work...

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Hair is done.  Rock star shades are on. Cheetah print fashion, and I am runway ready.  

Today I have been doing business.  Got applications out to several companies looking for freelance writers.  I started working on my business plan.  It feels weird to write one for me.  I have made them for so many other small companies...it feels great to be the one on the receiving end.  I have a plan.  I like how it feels, knowing what I want to do.

Lessons learned today:

• There are tons of resources out there for writers who want to take it pro.  (see my publishing blog, ChubbyBunnysInk,  for details.)
• When planning your future it is very tempting to do fake shopping.  (Definition, "Fake Shopping" is when one goes to a website clicks add to cart on multiple items then when she become bored she clicks "x" and goes about her business having purchased nothing.)  
• When I get my first "super check"...I am getting a MacBookPro with Retina display.  I am in love with it.  I have fake shopped it four times.  
• I love grocery shopping but only when I can park in the same spot I always park in. If I have to park elsewhere the trip is a bust.  All joy gone. 
• On Ghost Hunters they call 3:00 am the witching hour...because they say they get the most activity at that time.  I have to agree.  My witching hour and most productive writing comes between midnight and 4 am.  I will have to address this as we get closer to school.  Till then...I'm living the sweet life rock star glasses and all. 

Splash...sip and pass me some more

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This summer has been amazing.  I hope you, my dear reader can say the same.  I haven't been swimming....my suit doesn't fit...too big. Come to think of it I really haven't gone outside much.  I think I was built for less sunlight.  Pretty sure when I can afford it I need to get a summer home in Seattle.   

Usually I pepper you with pictures of my exciting adventures but this year most of those would be of me on the computer.  I know...not terribly exciting to anyone but me.  I have been a woman on a mission this summer.

Mission: Grow my freelance writing business.

I have tasted from the punch bowl and love it!  I have saved so much in gas money this summer. I have spent more time with the family than I have in probably 4 years.  And I am getting faster.  I think it is that whole work a muscle and it gets stronger thing is so incredibly true with writing. I love that my pay is only limited by me.  That I feel so comfortable writing.  It is in my blood.  I feel it. My Norwegian relatives were writers and editors...we have it in us and must write.  

I love that freelance writing forces me to research.  I love to research...it is my security blanket.  If I am nervous or worried about something...then here I come Google.  And with freelancing I need to research, discover and create all things I love doing for myself.  

I have learned some interesting stuff through all of this research...

• Don't, I repeat...do NOT...buy bottled water. Holy Cow that stuff is awful for us, this country and don't get me started about what it does to the environment.  YIKES!!
• I love how much we think we are all so unique but when it comes down to it...we are connected to family.  We may not know them...but while their blood pumps through us there are traits and skills that we have because they have them. Don't deny these traits. Embrace them and great things can happen. 
• Writing at different grade levels is a challenge. At first I struggled with it erasing a ton and dumbing it all down. Then I figured it out. Write what you have to say and then go back and rewrite/summarize/simplify.  I think this is an interesting life lesson. Don't change yourself, make you work for the situation in front of you. 
• Humans as a species are pretty incredible.  Capable of true genius, and terrible atrocities. 
• Don't eat watermelon before you go to bed.  It is called "WATERmelon" for a reason.  You will be up..a lot.

I have to say it folks...but find your passion and do it.  Whatever it maybe, give yourself a chance.  It will change you..not in a weird way..you know good.  Oh and for the love of God, no watermelon after 6 pm.  Trust me. 

Material heads attack

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Material heads, attack in heards.  

Thin wires connect to the mother ship of feed.

Pumping in messages hot, red and heavy. 

We suck it in. 

Lap it up like air. 

Wonder when the world got so bad. 

Shrugging off the part we had in the destruction of society at large. 

Fat on indulgence, arrogant about having to pitch in.

Chewing on those that try.

We pick their bits from our teeth.

Grinning, the sneer resonates through the rest.

Fire

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So I am on fire and I didn't even know it.  Maybe I did. This last post was a biggie...number 400.

Long ago... in the year 2010...started this little blog and in two years..ish I have reached a big milestone.  It is almost as exciting as that time my sister was learning to drive and almost plowed into the side of an elementary school.  Almost.

Something to think about

Water, sand and harmony

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It is summer, time to go to the beach.  I know...the whiteness doesn't match with the sun and water.  I still love the water.  Not so much the segals...they freak me out.

The thing is...I love the water.A day out with the sand in your toes and the infinite ocean stretching before you reminds you how much bigger this world is.  The drumming waves, rising and withdrawing tide connect you the heart beat of the earth.  You hear it, see it and feel it. All of you becomes completely connected to the nature and world we sometimes forget.

Go stick your feet in some sand, feel the beat and take my grandmothers advice, "get your feet wet."

What are you doing?

"Be pissed off for greatness" and make a choice everyday to strive out of mediocre.   

Need a little humpday magic

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Stretch out one wing at a time

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Stretching out.  One wing at a time.

You know the more success that you have the more people will notice you.  And sometimes they are not so supportive.  There have been a couple of moments in life where I get it right.  You know, achieve "the" thing I have been striving for, for so long.  And my true friends rush in with cheers, high-fives, and brag on me till my cheeks ache from blushing.  I have some amazing friends.  But sometimes there are people who are not as happy.  It happens. I think it must have something to do with the universe and keeping life in balance.

I am always a bit surprised by them.  I am a nice person....this is according to my mother who has had to spend the most time with me and should know.  I am positive that she is not biased at all.  I know I have an off day, on occasion but overall...pretty easy going person. When I am met by this crowd of cranky pants it  throws me.  If I had a wish...I would wish that those that don't have anything nice to say would not say anything at all.  That was always what my mother would say when I was being a snarky teen.  I wish more people had heard the same. Just think...there would be no bullying, no cyber bullying  and there would probably a lot less depression in the world. Not only that but think about the things that people would achieve if they knew that others would not judge them for trying and possibly failing.

Random subject change: 
You know...this has been a pretty amazing summer.  I am closer than I have ever been to accomplishing  goals that I have had since I was a little girl.

I am writing more.  And it is true, the more you study a craft and all of its details the better you become.  Looking back at past work I am excited by my improvements and the basic level of skill.  Not to toot my own horn but toot, toot.

I am finding regular outlets for my creativity beyond writing.  I am taking pictures more, and have been dabbling in crafts again.  A friend of mine, super smart guy, said that the only true way to happiness is to do something for you everyday. I have completely embraced that this summer. I have joined a quilting club, and my super fantastic crocheting club is starting back up. Life is good.

What are you doing that makes you the most proud? 

(Give me a comment, would love to hear from you.)

Done

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It is easier said than done. 

Crazy how others try to tell you who you are.

They don't know me. 

Don't judge me. 

Kill your zombies and leave me alone. 

Sit on your sofa watching the world go by.

I have stuff to do. 

You don't know me.

Not my road, not my journey. 

Those are mine. 

Read this and know I am talking to you.

Leave me alone.

I'm not here to fight.

I don't wish you ill.

I want the watching to stop... 

The lurking too. 

Let go and do you. 

Flying paper planes and chewing up the words

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The words are fleeing the page. Or is it my mind that they are trying to get away from?

It is tough to tell after a long day of writing. I am spent.  Feel like I can't even put together a sentence to speak...but some how I manage. The family is used to by babbling...and usually figure it out.  Bless their hearts.

So how have you been?  I feel like I have been cut off from you guys.  The end of the school year was rough...grades due, parent meetings, and then don't get me started on the staff meetings and then followed up by all of the week after suggested staff development.  I feel like today is the first day of my summer and the internet has been hinky.  I know...I keep hearing the song isn't it ironic play in my head.  I think I have clicked on my pinterest site about 123, 598,370 times today.  (That number is only an estimate.)  On the upside with no interwebs the writing is clicking along.

Have you guys ever read something you wrote and thought, "Damn I am good!"  I am getting back into my novel...you know part of my summer tradition. I have to say...I am pretty amazing.

Speaking of which...I want to go back there right now.  It is calling me.

Random...12 more days

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I was sitting there...floating on my cloud...wondering, when in the world this school year was ever going to end?  It was been the longest one to date. I don't know if this goes on in other professions but around May teachers get cranky, fed up and well...done.  We need the break to unclench, rewind and get back to loving our jobs. 

I have started over sleeping. It only occurs at the end of May.  We are getting there.

On a side note....

• I have signed up for my Conceal to Carry class.  I'm excited and terrified.  I'm not what you would call a huntress.  Nor could I ever be accused of being a big game hunter, or hobby skeet shooter.  But there are times when safe is better than sorry.  In this case I wonder if safe is really that safe.  
• My blood sugar has been through the stinking roof.  Not like put me in a coma high, but more yikes...what the hell is wrong with my pancreas! So on mother's day I started back to the high fiber, no friends diet.  Should melt away the pounds, clean my colon, and set fire to all the nose hair of those near me. Day three...and I am ready for a giant cookie, and a bag of chips...not looking good.
• I got a new phone.  I know that this news is most likely only exciting to me.  However, it is a Galaxy sII. It does everything I could ever dream of a phone doing.  I am in love. 
• Only 12 days of school left...but who is counting. 

Twelve is my lucky number.  I think that is why I teach 7 graders. >:) 

Reflections of what could be...

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Looking back I saw you. 

Or, was I looking forward?

Your hand was on my back, leading me. 

Or, were you pushing me out of the way?

We should have had that night.

I've dreamed it, ten million times.

I tried. 

It fell apart. We fell apart. 

Or, we were never that together.

Fantasy is sometimes better staying what it is.

How is it I still think of you?

Feel you? Want you? 

You are like a poison I can't scrape out of my veins

filling me, taking me over. 

Reflecting back to me ideas of what could of what could be...

ideas of you and me.

Mother's Hands

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Angry and new I reached for you. 

That same hand landed hard when I had done wrong. 

Sitting on your lap I would trace your finger nails and look at my own. 

Over the years those hands have become grandmother's.

My hands have grown into yours. 

Still, reaching out for you.

Desert Scorned

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The desert called softly with hoarse tongue. 

Dried lips nibbled up my silky legs.

Pushing me on the back of the wind.

Lifted.

Carried and placed in the middle of spartan land 

Only your eyes were watching. 

Taking note. 

Tainted with poison, the pen bleeds.

It splatters onto my freshly polished feet. 

Stains refuse to wash away.

Sand pulls and tugs to no avail.

Macbeth's hands know the scar or is it now me?

It is our connection your chains

They cut into my neck.

Suffocating.

Screeched across the crowded space your voice lingers.

It holds on. 

Clawing, and scraping against bone. 

You aren't there, not where I can hold you. 

Just a hand. 

Is it too much?

Tell me...whisper it in my ear. 

Say it, I feel it through typed words. 

I want to see it fall freely from your dry lips.

Give it to me, please. 

Asthma, Spring Colds and the Hope of a Hunky Rescue

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Graaawwwl!  It is time...it is time! The clock has ticked to the hour, that no one in the house wanted to see.  Hack, cough, sneeze...spring cold is here.  It is ridiculous the regularity that it hits.  It will come back in the summer and again in the fall.  The same each time: head stuffiness, followed by sneezing, then drainage and then the big dog bites, and the coughing and wheezing takes hold.  

I am in the big dog stage...so I get the ultimate pick me up in the morning...breathing treatments. Who doesn't love heading to school feeling yourself quiver in your skin?  Pretty sure this is what doing crack feels like. 

On the bright side...the field trip is tomorrow.  Time to dig into a quarter of chicken, potatoes, a cobbett and filtered water with my bare hands while I watch horses run back and forth and smell industrial bleach.  I am hoping that the horse dander won't kick off some kind of asthmatic attack where dark and hunky firemen have to rescue me.  Maybe throw in some sweet mouth to mouth as they carry my slight self out of there....hold on I am having a moment.  Nice. I can hope.  

Keep your fingers crossed for me.  

Well, eXtremely late, Yikes Zeees

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Well, about that April A to Z blog challenge...It is kind of like this...so you see...when you are in the middle of a blog challenge and suddenly out of no where your internet goes out your blog challenge life comes to an abrupt halt.  So...this counts as the last four...I know a complete cheat.  I will be better next year.  I promise.

Random updates...

• We had to export grades for the last 6 weeks progress reports.  Check it off the list.  Ding...we got a winner only a few short weeks to go then summer time fun time begins. And by that I mean my life as a nassy little hermit can return. 
• I volunteered, again.  I should stop this.  It only leads to stress and upsetness.  But yes I did it. I volunteered to take this special training to learn about Mind Maps.  I am one day into the five I have to do.  I got a cool binder.  The rumor is we get another one tomorrow.  I will survive. 4 days to go. 
• On a complete side note...I am wondering what teaching strategy I can copyright and make a ton of money on even though it has been around forever. I know!  I can write about this thing called teaching students using groups...just throwing out ideas at this stage.  
• The internet has been broken for the last five days.  It felt like 1990 around here.  Except back then I had internet.  I had some mad DOS skills, don't be jealous.  Not last week.  Instead I sat hunched over my phone wishing my eyes were better and my fingers were smaller. Damn you genetic sausage fingers and bad vision!  The little man came today and fixed us all up. Life is good.  Welcome home web! 
• Last week I got an interesting scary lesson on the power of my blog. Nothing else to say about that. 
• Random question...how a good a deal do you think I could get on a house loan with completely crappy credit?  Don't worry I have a ton of equity...okay not really.  Just have a hankering to move suddenly.  For no reason...just asking.
• Pretty sure we might be nearing a full moon.  I am not an expert so don't take my word for it.  But I have a feeling we could be close.
• I think I am ready for some chocolate wine.  I deserve it. 

And on that awkward note I leave you my most favorite song...for today.  Just because...it brings back memories.

After the Victory...

"Actually, the moment of victory is wonderful, but also sad. It means that your trip is ended."

Bill Toomey

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I love the trip.  Not that kind of trip...well...

Maybe I am in love with the routine of the trip.  The end of that brings me nothing but sadness. In the middle of the trip I am planning and making list like a crazy lady.  In other words pure joy.  

It never matters what the "trip" is I love the mad drive to go.  The adjustments to time and schedule, the dead lines and the rhythm of it. The attacking, and unrelenting obsessing about something I want so much.  The problem lays in the ending...what then?  Then is the depressed period while I search my soul to find a new journey to travel. Once I lock on to the next one...the sails are set and joy returns.  I am not good at languishing. At all.  

This is probably why the end of the school year is so fun.  I am gearing up for the next trip/ school year.  I have new programs sketched out on note cards hiding all over my desk.  The calendar is full of cross outs and ideas for how to conquer this for next year.  Planning is going in full force.  

Time to wrap up and start the next journey. 

Unraveling

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We survived the last state test for 7th grade today.  What does this mean?  We are on the last home run for the year.  In the next 4 weeks we have a field trip, a week of reviews and a week of test...then....(drum roll please...) we have summer vacation.  

Did you let out that big sigh?  I did.  I love teaching.  I love my kids but in May we have had enough of each other and need a little time apart for the heart to grow fond.  This part of the year teachers start to share those stories...the ones that keep us here.  

Random 7th grade stories

• During testing one little boy farted really loud.  He must be on that high fiber diet too.  All the kids have been properly scolded about their required silence. So when "the noise" occurred they all looked at the teacher whose face was enough to send them all into silent giggles and complete glee.  What other job are you going to get that kind of total joy from such a simple accidental act?
• A fellow teacher came into and was relating to an older story with my friend and I.  He said when he taught in another state, another school his buddy was teaching a resource reading class.  The student a really low reader shouted out, "Coach, I don't get it.  Mydickserrect."  The class broke out in uncomfortable giggles.  The Coach knew he had to squash it.  He asked assertively, "What?"  Sure that the student didn't say what he thought he did, the Coach waited for a reply. "Mydickserrect?"  The class roared in laughter again.  The Coach knew that he had to figure out what was going on before the little girls in class got as uncomfortable as he was.  Looking at the book that the student was reading, the Coach read.  "My Dixie wrecked." 
• During tail end of testing the teacher had turned in her materials and unlocked the lockers with the student's backpacks so they could retrieve them in the 15 minutes when they would be going to passing period.  The teacher went back in her room.  When the students got their stuff a little boy shouted out that his phone was missing.  The teacher frantic to get the missing phone issued an email to all the 7th grade teachers.  The email stated the situation and that if the phone was not returned the video from the cameras in the hall would be checked and charges would be filed.  Like all good teachers we all properly put complete fright into the kids.  We had kids confessing about just walking by the open lockers. We had others ask if they would go to jail, and if this would end up on the "permanent record" of the offending student. After the teacher checked the video she saw that a fellow teacher, an elective teacher that was not included on the first email had picked it up and turned it in to the office.  Opps.  

Have a happy Wednesday!

Tattered

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Rip it.  

All at once. 

I want to hear it.  

Feel it.  

Let the pain drip down.

Pull it. 

Please. 

I don't want it.

Take it from me.

The weight is too much. 

Hold on to it. 

I have to leave.

Coming up for air. 

Untangle your fingers. 

Let me go. 

"Just rip it," I said. 

I know you know.

Your eyes are here. 

All over me. 

Get out of my ear. 

I need air. 

My chest is heavy. 

Is that my heart? 

My soul isn't clear. 

Where do I start?

Get a needle. 

Or do I need thread?

Let it bleed.

It is me. 

sisters...

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If you haven't seen this wonder floating around on Pinterest you haven't been hanging on the right boards. 

I love these two.  

They are the perfect combination of snark, and sexy sass.  I think everyone has a friend that they hope to have this lifetime connection to. That one that will tell you to wipe your nose and will let you know that you have "out grown" those pants.  She is there to cry to when your self created drama is blowing up in your face, and to laugh with when your pants rip in the middle of a work day or you accidently shave off your eyebrow.  

She makes fun of you because you don't know a stranger but is happy when you find someone to escort you to the hotel you can't find. She is the one that can give you one look and remind you that maybe the cinnamon roll the size of a human head is not the best choice for a breakfast treat. And she will gladly share her carrots when you walk away from temptation.  

She pushes you in the gym, name calling and cajoling you into thinking you could be an athlete. She is your biggest cheerleader, the founder of your fan club, and the first one that will fight for you even against your personal demons.  

Sisters, don't have to be born of the same blood.  They can sometimes just be. 

Relapse..

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There isn't enough air. 

It dries up.  

Everything deflates. 

I feel my ears pop.

Or was that my heart? 

Yesterday, it was better. 

The winds blew. 

My soul was strong.

I know it will be again. 

I can see the wind on the horizon, 

It ruffles the leaves of the trees. 

But it doesn't come near me. 

Here I go again.